There was a whole lot of nothing in yesterday’s game, it seems. The Steelers played hard on offense for 20 minutes and looked like they would cruise to an easy win. Unfortunately, they seemed to think so too and really took their foot off the gas for the second half. Still, a win is a win, and no one really played badly. Rashard Mendenhall had a terrific game, the defense only gave up one touchdown.
FIRST QUARTER
Looks like some Russian hockey player.
Happy birthday, Blaine Gabbert. Your present is that you get the ball to start the game.
A bunch of wide receivers you’ve never heard of run a bunch of curl routes and start moving down the field. Eventually LaMarr Woodley gets a sack and forces a punt.
Rashard Mendenhall takes off and grinds out a few first downs. Heath Miller makes a few catches. Emmanuel Sanders gets open in his own county. Antonio Brown almost Limas-Sweeds some DB. Mendenhall finishes the drive. 7-0. Most efficient drive in NFL history.
The Jags don’t do anything and the Steelers get the ball back. Ben tests the deep coverage but the Jags have two guys on Mike Wallace. Not a good decision by Roethlisberger. Mendenhall gets a first down. Ward gets another.
SECOND QUARTER
Hines Ward makes a classic Hines Ward catch. Doug Legursky gets hurt. Not even fazed anymore. Neither is Ben. He hits Mike Wallace for a touchdown. Awesome. 14-0.
Jacksonville eventually punts. Brown catches it, runs backwards, laterals it backwards to Sanders, who runs backwards and gets tackled. Ups that punter’s average by like 20 yards.
Rashard Mendenhall promptly runs the ball straight to the goal line. 68 yards. For some reason the coaches leave him in despite obviously being exhausted. He gets stuffed at the goal line. They settle for a field goal. 17-0.
Brett Keisel might lead the league in passes defended defensed. He bats down another pass. A couple of penalties give the Jags two first downs. Polamalu times the snap count and forces an errant throw. The defense rides that momentum and everyone sacks Gabbert. Josh Scobee booms a 55 yard field goal. 17-3.
Ben thinks Sanders is Wallace and overthrows him. Then he thinks Wallace is Wallace and the pass is dead on for 47 yards. After that play you can see some little defensive back try and get in Jonathan Scott’s face.
Scott’s face when someone half his weight picks a fight.
It’s penalty city for a while. Suisham hooks a 47 yard field goal. Whatever, Suisham gets a pass at this point.
James Farrior makes a great play deflecting a pass. Then he makes a great play with a sack. No celebrations. All business. That’s a captain right there.
Blood Type runs backwards on the punt return again. Someone needs to tell him to stop that. He catches a real pass on offense though. Rashean Mathis almost picks off a pass, just like every freaking time he’s played here in the last 8 years. Another DB drops a ball. Punt.
Brett Keisel keeps making plays. Jags punt again. It goes out of bounds so Blood Type can’t run backwards. Silly play by Jacksonville.
With 6 seconds left the Steelers line up to run a play. Someone false starts and everyone decides it’s just better to take a knee.
HALFTIME
Want to waste some time on the internet? (if you said no you are a liar)
THIRD QUARTER
Blaine Gabbert runs for a big gain but it gets brought back on holding. The Jaguars are the beneficiaries of a roughing-the-punter penalty. Greg Jones and LaMarr Woodley throw down. Roughing penalties offset. Gabbert makes a 4th & 2 on the ground. Polamalu blows up a play. Someone beats Ike Taylor for a touchdown. 17-10.
This game shouldn’t be a one score game. The Steelers have far outplayed the Jaguars to this point. Shortest quarter recap in history.
FOURTH QUARTER
The Steelers have no momentum at all. Ben misses Heath Miller twice. Punt.
Renegade happens. The Steelers have all the momentum now. Jags go three and out.
Jon Dwyer has a nice run on first down and Ben makes sure to waste it with a delay of game. Ben gets hit in the pocket, scrambles, rolls out, gets some space with a defender on his heels, and…. pump fakes. Sack. Why would you pump fake there? Either eat the ball or get rid of it.
Polamalu begins to take over the game. Punt. Ben still refuses to throw footballs. More pump fakes. Then the Jags get to Ben and strip sack him. He recovers but it forces a punt. PUNTS EVERYWHERE, ALL DAY.
Polamalu is on the sideline with “concussion-like symptoms.” That was the last thing we heard about Sidney Crosby too.
No idea who Jacksonville’s O.C. is, but he’s awful. 3rd & 4 and you run to LaMarr Woodley’s side with a backup RB? Ain’t gonna happen. Scobee hits a 45 yard field goal. 17-13.
Grind ’em down.
The Jaguars’ defense gets a huge stop and forces a punt. Polamalu is randomly on his cell phone on the sideline. Gabbert has 1:01 to score a touchdown from 77 yards away with no timeouts.
Brett Keisel ain’t letting this game get away. He gets a ten yard sack. Gabbert has to scramble on the next play and runs out of bounds with 26 seconds left. MoJo makes the next catch to get to the sideline. Some other dude makes a catch. They get the ball spiked with 2 seconds on the clock.
On the final play, Gabbert winds up and heaves a prayer into the end zone. He overthrows all his receivers. Ike Taylor come closest to catching it, but you know, spatulas for hands.
That’s all, folks.
- Brett Keisel’s beard had a great game. Making plays all the time.
- If Troy Polamalu has a concussion, you can meet me on the Birmingham Bridge.
- I don’t feel much better about this win than I did in Indy. The Steelers have to keep pushing against these teams they should beat. You can’t just hang up 20 points and call it a day.
- Does Maurice Jones-Drew exist? Barely noticed him all game. Testament to the defense.
- I was only scarcely aware of breast cancer this weekend. NFL needs to step up its game.
