The schedule for the NFL’s 2014 regular season came out last night, and NFL Network was pumping up their primetime schedule release like they were LeBron James deciding where to sign as a free agent. Meaning, they had a way overblown TV special that reeks of ego for something that is essentially an administrative procedure, not an event.
But anyway, we now know when the Steelers will play whom, so let’s go inside the schedule for some juicy details.
PRESEASON
Week 1: @ New York Giants
The first Steeler game this year will be held in the Big Apple (or, actually New Jersey) as the Steelers take on long-time least-annoying-team-in-the-NFC-East, the Giants. Eli Manning has beaten Tom Brady in two Super Bowls. Eli Manning rules.
Week 2: Buffalo Bills
The perennially hapless Buffalo Bills stumble into Pittsburgh for week 2 of exhibition season. It would be good for football if the Bills were competitive. I do believe that. But if Donald Trump buys them, I will recommend any and all Bills merchandise, facilities, and personnel be peed on whenever possible.
Week 3: @ Philadelphia Eagles
The cross-state non-rivals face off in the annual “dress rehearsal” game. I am hoping so hard for a “Crosby Sucks” chant at the Linc.
Week 4: Carolina Panthers
The Steelers always seem to finish up the preseason against Carolina. Scrubs are going to play for their careers and still get cut the next day.
It’s odd that the Steelers aren’t facing the Washington Redskins in the preseason this year. We have a good lineup of teams anyway though.
REGULAR SEASON
Week 1: Cleveland Browns
The Steelers will open their season at home against their longtime rival and perennial laughing stock. If “Draft Day” tanks at the box office, there is a very real chance Cleveland will have an entirely new coaching staff by opening day.
Week 2: @ Baltimore Ravens
Talk about a difficulty curve. The Steelers have to go into Baltimore four days after what should be a cakewalk for a Thursday Night game. We all know the story. Low-scoring game, the lead will change in the last two minutes of the game, someone wins.
Week 3: @ Carolina Panthers
Hey, Carolina and Pittsburgh will play an actual game on the heels of their preseason finale! Mike Mitchell will make his return to his former team, and hopefully we all get to enjoy watching Cam Newton. That dude is fun.
Week 4: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Yawn. The Bucs are terrible. I can’t really think of anyway to make this game more interesting.
Week 5: @ Jacksonville Jaguars
The Steelers are getting a semi-regular trip to Jacksonburgh, where the black and gold are well-represented in the stands. Rashean Mathis doesn’t play for them anymore, so he probably won’t run back an interception for a touchdown.
Week 6: @ Cleveland Browns
The Steelers finish their season series early against Cleveland with a Week 6 jaunt to the Mistake On The Lake. The Browns may have gone through another head coach by this point.
Week 7: Houston Texans
How the Texans get so bad so quickly? They train-wrecked themselves to last place in the NFL last year after looking like a team on the rise. They’ll likely be starting a rookie QB at this point, so place your bets on Dick LeBeau.
Week 8: Indianapolis Colts
On the other hand, rising star QB Andrew Luck will lead the Colts into Heinz Field for a midseason rumble. Another phenomenal player to watch, Luck’s raw compete level makes him a threat no matter the situation. This could be a tough game.
Week 9: Baltimore Ravens
Nothing says we’re in the heart of football season like a Sunday Night tilt against Baltimore. Another close game, another late lead change, lather, rinse, repeat.
Week 10: @ New York Jets
What’s even going on with the Jets anymore? Will it be Geno Smith or Michael Vick under center? How many of those veterans they stocked up on in 2010 or so are still around? Is Rex Ryan seriously still in charge there? The Jets are a complete wild card.
Week 11: @ Tennessee Titans
Look, Tennessee isn’t very good, but they never lay down for the Steelers. They’re going to play a close, physical game, and hopefully the Steelers have enough talent to come through in the end.
Week 12: Bye
Late-season byes are awesome.
Week 13: New Orleans Saints
The Saints bring their high-flying offense into Heinz Field. Lance Moore figures to play against his former team. Will a late November game on Heinz Field’s grass slow down the Saints’ dome-friendly passing offense?
Week 14: @ Cincinnati Bengals
The Steelers finally get to the bottom half of Ohio all the way into Week 14. If the Bengals (and Steelers) play up to their potential, there could be a lot on the line in this series, but that might be asking a lot.
Week 15: @ Atlanta Falcons
Another team that had an inexplicably bad 2013 season, the Falcons should rebound in a big way with all the talent they have on offense. Of course, if they could finish 31st in the NFL last year, who knows where they’ll go in the future?
Week 16: Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs were a surprise last year as not only did they make the playoffs, but they were the only team in the AFC who had a clue what seed they would get in the postseason. Don’t count them out in 2014; Andy Reid is a heck of a football coach.
Week 17: Cincinnati Bengals
The Steelers, for once, won’t end their season with the Cleveland Browns visiting Heinz Field. Instead, we’ll see Paul Brown’s other team, the Bengals. Who knows what will be at stake in this game. Maybe nothing? Maybe everything.
It looks like a pretty easy schedule at first glance. The better teams (New Orleans, Indianapolis, Kansas City) are home games. There’s a nice run of Tampa-Jacksonville-Cleveland-Houston early in the year. We’re not ready to make predictions or anything, but with a bounce-back year for some players and/or contributions from younger guys, the Steelers could pretty feasibly go 12-4 against this schedule.
Of course, there’s no point in banking on it now, because that is, as they say, why they play the games.
