AFC North: Who will suck the least?

Time to fork over some predictions about how the rest of the AFC North season will play out. We didn’t do the Steelers because that would require more in-depth research. Maybe we will do it later, but it’s important to look at our division rivals and see how they are progressing this season.

Baltimore Ravens (2-3)

They Birds got blown out at Indianapolis 31-3. I watched the whole game and their defense got embarrassed (you could probably tell that by looking at the score.) I don’t know what it was, but they were just terrible at tackling. I’ve never, ever seen that from a Ravens team. Nobody was wrapping up at all. Even Ray Lewis was just going for the highlight-reel hit and crappy running backs like Dominic Rhodes looked like Gale Sayers, breaking tackles left and right.

They have lost three in a row now, but their schedule has been murder. Stees, Titans, Colts. Ouch. As usual, the only chance the Ravens have is to play excellent defense and hope their offense doesn’t turn the ball over a bunch of times. I still think they have a great defense, last week aside. That will make them be a respectable team at least. They have some easy games on the way.

Verdict: 8-8

Cleveland Browns 1-3

Sure, they played Pittsburgh close at Town Dump Stadium, but this offense is freakin terrible. Jeff Reed scores more on a nightly basis than the Browns will this entire season. Derek Anderson is a joke and the Browns might as well start playing Quinn. Everybody knows that it is only a matter of time until he starts anyway. Quit trying to be cute about it. Big Foot sucks.

The Browns are obvioulsy not going to be a factor this season, but their management really messed up the franchise for years to come too. They thought that they would be an elite AFC team and spent a ton of money resigning Big Foot and brining in a few fat guys like Shaun Rogers. Things aren’t looking good at all for the next few seasons.

At least they have all those season previews predicting the playoffs to console them!

Verdict: 5-11

Note: This was written before the Browns beat up on the Giants. To be fair, allow us to revise our verdict for the Browns.

Verdict: 6-10


Cincinatti Bengals 0-5

The Bengals haven’t been the same since Kimo von Oehoffen rolled on Carson Palmer’s knee. It’s just how it is. Granted, I think the Steelers win that game even if he’s healthy and the defense sucked balls after that fluke season anyway. Bengals fans are still sour over the whole Kimo thing, but everybody knows it was just plain bad luck. The Bengals have had enough of it over their lifetime, they should be the first to know what’s what.

Whether or not it’s his fault, Carson Palmer has plain sucked since 2005.

Anyways, back to 2008.

What a mess.

Verdict: 2-14