Pregame Interview: Marshawn Lynch

Before games, I’ve decided to have a pregame interview with one of the opposing players to see their outlook on the game, life, or anything in between. With this game, I had a quick interview with Marshawn Lynch, the Bills running back. But with his slang, constant ramblings, and just being a gangsta in general, I translated it for the people reading this (read = no one).

Nice of you to take the time to talk with me, Marshawn.

It’s coo boy you know what I mean. You got to do what you gotta do. Just like I do, you know man?

(Translated: No problem. I have nothing else to do because I live in fucking BUFFALO.)

Right. So what are you expecting of the Bills this year? Are you going to have to carry them through the season like last year?

Dawg I ’spect we goin to The Bowl man. This shits ours brah. We gots T-Dizzle ‘n’ he gonna be mad good dis year so dat’ll help me bigs. Dey goin’ look past us like dey always do and we goin’ to come outta no where and be like what’s up!? I’ll still do my thang as always doh, don’t gots to worry ’bout me.

(Translated: I have high expectations for us this year. I have a lot of confidence in Trent [Edwards] this season so that should take some pressure off of me. I think a lot of people will overrlook us and I think we’ll surprise a lot of teams this year. I’m completely stupid for thinking all of this because we will, of course, finish below .500 again and I will have to score 3 touchdowns a game just to win 5 games this year.)

Wow, I don’t think I can understand anything you say. I will probably just pretend you said something that’s above the intelligence level of a retard. So what is the deal with the whole hit-and-run incident?

Mayn, dat shit’s bull. I aights do notin wrong. Axe anybody. My boi took mah Porcshe to get a quick fix and dat bitch was in da way. She should have been hit for tryin ta stop him. Come on nigga.

(Translated: I really had nothing to do with the accident other than it was my vehicle involved. I wasn’t driving, but even if I was I could get out of it because I play in the NFL. Look at PacMan Jones, he got a man paralyzed and he’s already back playing. Come on nigga.)

[This is where he pulled out and started to play with his Glock 9mm by pretending to shoot things in the distance. He kept getting closer to my head so I had to cut the interview short. So I needed to find an excuse to cut it short.]

Ummm.. uhhh.. I think.. I.. need to take a shit, I have to go home now and poop. Thanks for the interview. Good luck this season.

Tanks mayn. I’ll do what I do.

(Translated: Thank you for your time. Please trade me to a contender.)

And that’s all folks. I hope you learned a little something today from PacMan Jones Marshawn Lynch, because if you didn’t, he’ll come to your house and kill you. Seriously.