#PalkoFacts. STEELERS WIN

Pretty disappointing ending to an otherwise fun weekend of football. The Steelers dominated the Chiefs everywhere but the scoreboard. It should have been a victory by double digits, but the Steelers played down to an inferior opponent (again) and scraped by with a 13-9 win. As Mike Tomlin says though, style points don’t matter. A win is a win. But if you’re unsettled by Sunday night’s performance, you are not alone.

FIRST QUARTER

Kyle Orton isn’t even dressed for the game.

The Chiefs open the game featuring their running backs. At some point they try a really quick break from the huddle and Polamalu still sprints through the line at the snap like only he can. Palko finally drops back and launches a missile downfield. Dwayne Bowe is there for the catch. Some guard catches a pass and Polamalu cuts him down. It’s the last time Polamalu would be on the field all night.

Ryan Succop kicks a 41 yard field goal. The Chief’s weird rat mascot thing is dressed as Batman. 3-0.

The Steelers come out of the gate with a 12-men-in-the-huddle penalty. Ben hooks up with (you guessed it) Antonio Brown for a conversion on 2rd & long. Then he finds Heath Miller in a crowd of 6 defenders. What a throw.

Blood Type draws a pass interference call in the end zone. It gets negated by an offensive holding. Balls.

Some dude jumps the snap early but Brown makes a play to come back on the ball. Huge completion.

Ben finally hands off the ball and Mewelde Moore gets into the secondary. He fumbles and the Chiefs recover in the end zone for a touchback.

Mewelde Moore Mewelde Moore #21 of the Pittsburgh Steelers celebrates after scoring a touchdown in the second quarter against the Green Bay Packers during the game on December 20, 2009 at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Like the first mistake of his career. He gets a pass.

Brett Keisel’s beard recovers a fumbled snap and the offense comes back on the field. Ben tries to run for it on 3rd & 5 but he gets stopped short of the first down. Todd Haley challenges something and apparently loses.

The Steelers go for it on 4th & 2. Ben eludes pressure for a while and dumps the ball off to Isaac Redman. Redman juggles the pass but gets his feet set and rumbles forward for a first down.

Heath Miller takes some phantom holding penalty. Some giant dude sacks Ben on 2nd & 18. Kapinos downs a punt inside the 10.

Palko loads up the gun and fires a shot down the left sideline. The throw is so bad that ol’ Spatula Hands Ike catches it. He runs it all the way back to the 6.

SECOND QUARTER

The Chiefs defense holds. Suisham kicks an easy field goal.

Ryan Mundy picks off Tyler Palko. Suddenly you don’t feel bad about Polamalu sitting out.

Doug Legursky replaces Pouncey at center. Some back judge makes up for that phantom holding on Heath earlier with a phantom holding on some KC linebacker.

At least once a game someone has to mention that Steeler football now includes a passing game instead of just “hand the ball to Jerome.”
One official throws a flag for pass interference on Brandon Flowers and another official overrules him. Correct no-call. Todd Haley is angry for some reason.

Some other DB gets a holding call to negate a sack. Easy to understand Chiefs fans booing. Frustrating drive for them. Ben stares down a free-rushing LB and lofts a ball to Weslye Saunders in the back of the end zone. Great throw, great catch. 10-3.


WESLEY

Ryan Mundy lays a hit on the kick return. The defense clamps down and the Chiefs have to punt. Palko gets booed off the field. Sad to see.

Ben fires another one deep. Wallace drops it. Punt.

Palko heaves a ball over the middle. Pittsburgh’s own Steve Breaston makes the catch and Ryan Clark absolutely drills him in the back. Tenacious catch. Dexter McCluster runs for a first down and makes history as the first player to put his shoulder pad back in his jersey by himself.

LeBeau sends everyone on 3rd & 6. Gay comes in unblocked and Palko has to toss it in the dirt. Succop nails a 49-yard field goal. 10-6.

Steelers have to answer or risk giving up all the momentum. A few plays go to Mewelde Moore and he keeps two arms on the football. Antonio Brown comes out with the Randle-El-reverse-pass but he’s under pressure right away. Ben throws a sick block and Brown scrambles ahead for a gain of 3. Busy play.


Antonio Brown is left-handed.

Time runs down and Suisham answers Succop with a 49-yard field goal of his own. 13-6.

HALFTIME

Big find by akus via Pensblog here.

If you are a Steeler fan and you hate the Pirates/Penguins/local colleges/WPIAL, here’s what you should do:

1. Find the nearest roof.
2. Jump off of it.

Seriously, if you don’t really care for hockey or baseball or basketball, that’s fine. But your favorite sport doesn’t just get a monopoly. I’m not the biggest fan of baseball (the Pirates have been losing for all of my conscious life) but I’m not going to write a post in the middle of summer complaining about Neil Walker or being annoyed at 93.7 when someone calls in saying they need a better power hitter. AFTER ALL, THERE’S FOOTBALL TO DISCUSS, RIGHT? GEE I WONDER WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO JOE HORN. IS ANYONE GOING TO SIGN BRETT FAVRE? FAVREWATCHFAVREWATCH. HAHA DID YOU SEE NICK NOVAK PEEING ON THE SIDELINE?

The Steelers had a bye last week and the biggest non-football icon in the city was going to finally appear after nearly a year. That is huge news. If you were mad because you wanted to hear Stevenson Sylvester talk about being hurt all the time, I’m serious, go fish an empty can of Busch Light out of your garbage (because you’re too much of an asshole to recycle) and chew on it for the rest of the day.

Oh yeah I’m in the middle of a recap.

THIRD QUARTER

Ben finds Ward over the middle. Right where he always has been. Then Ward hauls in a screen pass. Mendenhall battles for a first down.

Ben just throws an abysmally short pass down the sideline and it’s an easy interception. Kansas City takes over.


You are now aware that Le’Ron McClain still exists, and is Kansas City’s fullback. Pretty rough fate, being a FB for Todd Haley.

Chiefs punt. Mendenhall rips off a huge run over a few tacklers. Ben fires long downfield for Wallace again. It feels like they’re really trying to force that play. Doug Legursky takes a holding penalty.

Isaac Redman turns a 2nd & 26 into a 3rd & 11. Ben takes it himself but he’s short of the sticks. Punt.

Timmons and Taylor get in each others’ way of an interception. Dick LeBeau proves he understands how to stop a wildcat offense. The Chiefs direct snap it to a running back who unsurprisingly runs with the ball. Stuffed.

Then they run a fake punt and pick up the first down anyway. Ballsy call in their own territory, but you do what you have to. Dwayne Bowe beats William Gay to a jump ball but it’s just off his fingertips.

The Chiefs punt. It sails high and Larry Foote makes a hugely underrated play to knock one of his teammates out of the way as the ball comes down. Would have been a muff and the Chiefs were waiting for it.


If you don’t like Larry Foote, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

FOURTH QUARTER

Another deep throw to Wallace doesn’t connect. Steelers punt. Todd Haley tries to argue a running into the kicker call even though that is the single most obvious call that is ever made. Kapinos pins them at the 8.

Dwayne Bowe gets some ridiculous amount of yards after a screen pass. Thomas Jones is still in the NFL and he gets 4 yards in there somewhere. The Chiefs grind away until Palko slings a pass downfield to Jonathan Baldwin.


Something about that feels right.

The Steelers take a timeout on 3rd & 2 to try and stem the offensive tide. It works as two Chiefs run into each other in the backfield and force a field goal. It’ll still be a 4-point game; why wouldn’t you go for it there? Bizarre. Either way, Succop nails it. 13-9.


Everything’s coming up Pitt!

The Steelers come out to try and grind out some clock. They only manage one first down.

Palko comes out to lead a game winning drive. He finds Baldwin. Then Breaston. Breaston juggles it on his way out of bounds and it’s incomplete. They try a screen pass and William Gay reads it like a book. Solid open-field tackle. 4th & 7.

Palko takes a huge hit but he forces a ball to Bowe at the first down line. Then Palko dumps it off to McCluster and Keisel has to catch him from behind. Breaston gets open over the middle. Chiefs RT Branden Albert goes down. His replacement immediately false starts and Albert comes back in. The James Harrison effect.

Palko loads up the gun one last time. Bowe calls for the pass but doesn’t reach out for the jump ball. Keenan Lewis does.


Embarrassing for Dwayne Bowe. Can’t even make a “Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe” joke at him.

  • That game was almost as sloppy and boring as Superbowl XL.
  • Still better than Friday’s Backyard Brawl. Are we done playing that up to be some epic competition yet?
  • Tino Sunseri joke.
  • Speaking of that, former Pitt QB Tyler Palko intercepted by former WVU DB Ryan Mundy. Not really too enthused.
  • OKAY MAYBE I’M A LITTLE BITTER SHUT UP.
Brian Schaich

About Brian Schaich

Brian studied computer engineering long enough to know he just wanted to talk about sports all day for a living, so that's what he does.

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