News: Football Player Is A Stupid Hypocrite

Mike Mitchell isn’t great at football. He isn’t the worst free safety in the league, but his salary is above average and his play is below average. Many of us have noticed that discrepancy and aren’t very impressed with the Steelers’ big free agent signing.

It’s one thing to be overpaid. It’s another thing to celebrate your own mediocrity, as Mitchell often does when he makes a big tackle (on a 30 yard gain by the opponent). But when you start telling fans to kill themselves for criticizing you, you’ve gone from a sub-par player to a sub-par human being.

There’s another layer to that, and it’s Mitchell’s regular Twitter feed. Everything he posts is either a retweet of a teammate giving some cliched platitude about the result of a game or, get this, a bible verse. It sure looks like he’s a follower of the popular Christian Bible, but I don’t seem to remember any verses about telling others to kill themselves and/or die broke and alone. Maybe he has the King James version or something, I don’t know.

I know it may be difficult to imagine, but all signs point to Mike Mitchell being just another idiot professional athlete that thinks he’s bigger than he is. I’m certainly not advocating for people to go on Twitter and abuse Mitchell, but you know what else I’m not advocating? Being terrible at your job and then lashing out at the people who notice.

And lo, the almighty free safety said unto thee, “kill thyself, for thou not knowest how great I am at football. Die poor, among the peasants who do not recognize my perfection.”

-Mike (11:17)

Brian Schaich

About Brian Schaich

Brian studied computer engineering long enough to know he just wanted to talk about sports all day for a living, so that's what he does.

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